Earlier this year I attended Inspiring Talks Brighton and stood on stage in front of about 70 people and shared my story ( well part, as part of my story….)
It was all about the ‘old’ me and how I used to feel that I was a fraud and that everyone else was better than me.
(I don’t want you to think that I spent my whole life in that negative mindset – I don’t think any of us do that but there were certainly times when I felt very strongly like that.)
The interesting thing is that since sharing this part of my story, being more open an honest about how I used to feel, many people I’ve met and have known for years have said they get it. They have felt the same thing.
They too have worried about what others thought about them, or that they would be found out for being a fraud!
I’ve been amazed.
I have found it hard to believe, especially when the person in front of me appears in control, so calm, so together and so confident – could they really have felt like I did?
It seems so!
Now, it’s time to write a new story and to tell the next chapter(s) as there have been many since. Some great and some not so great but today I wanted to share my biggest learning.
We DO NOT have to be defined by our past and we MUST be grateful for our past (especially the really hard times) as that has made us who we are today.
When we go through difficult experiences we learn about our resilience, strength and courage BUT..
and this is the bit that’s important. If we aren’t conscious or aware of what we have and are learning then patterns can just repeat….over and over again.
It’s like dieting.
You decide that you want to lose some weight. you make a plan and start.
You cut down what you eat, you exercise more: you lose weight (hopefully!).
If you don’t learn from the process of eating better and taking more care of your body the old patterns repeat and, you’ve guessed it, you put the weight back on.
So what did you learn to do differently?
Lesson 1: You’ve started eating less processed food and more natural fruits and vegetables.
Lesson 2: You set aside regular times to exercise.
Lesson 3: You drank more water.
Lesson 4: You reduced your stress levels.
Lesson 5: You went to bed earlier and stretched every day.
What were the positive outcomes of these lessons?
Outcome 1: You lost weight
Outcome 2: Your body looks better
Outcome 3: You have more energy
Outcome 4; You sleep better
Outcome 5: You feel happier
Outcome 5: Your Blood Pressure dropped etc etc….
SO…Why would you ever go back to old patterns??
I’ll tell you why.
Because you haven’t consciously taken on the learning.
I have learned HUGE lessons from my story, my past.
I’ve spent huge amounts of time digging deep inside me to recognize why I felt the way I did. Why I used to compare myself to others. Why I was scared to tell my story.
I read many many books, articles, and blogs. I wrote my own articles and got up on stage to speak and share my story.
I got a coach!
I took time, I slowed down (that’s a hard one for me I can tell you!!) and I stopped repeating the patterns and recognize when I’m in danger of going back to the old patterns.
It’s easy not to do this but it’s just as easy to do it. You just need to be AWARE of the lessons.
Take some time now to get a pen and paper and think about a recent difficult situation that you’ve had to deal with.
What have you learned from it? Why did you react the way you did? What did you do that solved the problem?
Once it’s down in black and white, read it again and again and learn from it.